I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
