She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
