Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
