Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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