okay pat passed out under dana's car
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
