She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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