You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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