I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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