if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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