i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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