Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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