Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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