This girl is more easily done than said...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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