she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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