I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So drunk its hurt
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
