hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
another moral hangover. fuck.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
