dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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