ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
