My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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