This girl is more easily done than said...
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
