I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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