I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
