I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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