he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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