the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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