the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
