i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize