you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
we made out on top of his cat.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize