I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
