me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
