Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize