Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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