Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
