so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bring me that man meat
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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