Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
