mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
