You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I fill condoms, not promises.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
