I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize