All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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