farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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