her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
