i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i will never coherently bang her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
