Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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