I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
