i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
