I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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