Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
