apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
