I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize