Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
