after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
