Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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