U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
