if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
