My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
