16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
