I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
do nipples grow back?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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