you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
