You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
