you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
