I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
