I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize