I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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