Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
