Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
