i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
