Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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